Topeka — Somewhere out there is a man who allegedly hit two people with a truck and ran from the scene.
And if he’s looking for his stuff… don’t worry.
WHERE YOU AT MARKUS??
We found your stuff.
According to a local scanner post that turned into Topeka’s version of CSI: Facebook Comments, the suspected driver didn’t just abandon the scene — he left behind what can only be described as a complete identity package:
Phone.
Debit card.
Bottle of vodka.
And allegedly, a bag of drugs.
At this point, the only thing missing was a handwritten note that said, “Hi, it’s me.”
The crash reportedly happened near 33rd and McVicar, close to Jardine Middle School. One commenter claims a family member was hit. Others are still debating whether it was two people, one person and a parked truck, or just another Tuesday night in Topeka.
Meanwhile, the real show wasn’t the crash — it was the comment section.
Within minutes, the community did what it does best:
- Identified a possible suspect
- Debated the chemical composition of the alleged drugs
- Critiqued law enforcement response times
- And offered to “safely dispose” of the evidence
All before lunch.
At one point, the original poster claims they located key evidence themselves — because nothing says “functional system” like civilians running point on a hit-and-run investigation while also arguing in the comments.
Now to be clear — and this is important — much of this is unverified, pulled straight from social media, where facts, feelings, and memes all live together in chaotic harmony.
But also… come on.
You don’t accidentally leave behind your phone, your debit card, and your bad decisions all in one place unless something went spectacularly wrong — or spectacularly predictable.
And that’s the part that hits.
Because beneath the jokes, the GIFs, and the running commentary about vodka vs. cocaine ratios, there’s still the part where someone got hurt… and someone ran.
Which, lately, feels less like breaking news and more like a pattern.
So if you’re out there, man —
your phone’s gone, your card’s canceled, and the internet already held trial.
All that’s left now?
Is you.
Editor’s Note:
This article reflects publicly shared social media reports that have not yet been independently confirmed by law enforcement. As always, we’ll update if and when official details are released.
