Colton Isaiah Botts is back in the Shawnee County booking logs.
But first, let’s acknowledge the progress.
Last time we encountered Mr. Botts — you may recall the February Field Study in Public Nudity — he was conducting what scientists now refer to as The Shrinkage Experiment of 2026.
This time?
Fully clothed.
Already an improvement.
According to the booking report, Botts, 31, was booked March 10 at 5:00 a.m. on a charge of criminal trespass — remaining in defiance of an order by the owner. Bond set at $2,500.
Now compared to last month’s “Sir, this is Kansas and you appear to have forgotten pants” situation, this is practically a wardrobe renaissance.
And let’s be honest — he’s looking better.
The hair has that “escaped indie rock guitarist” volume.
The cheekbones say “brooding model.”
The eyes say “possibly waiting for a callback from America’s Next Top Model.”
Local internet detectives have already begun speculating that Botts may be preparing for a career pivot into runway-adjacent loitering.
But the charge tells a simpler story.
Somewhere in Topeka, someone said:
“Sir, you need to leave.”
And somewhere nearby, Colton Botts reportedly said:
“Respectfully… no.”
That’s how you get yourself a $2,500 bond and a 5:00 a.m. wake-up call from the Shawnee County hospitality suite.
Now look — trespassing is not glamorous. It lacks the raw meteorological bravery of February nudity. There’s no frostbite narrative. No heroic battle against Kansas wind chill.
It’s just the classic American story of staying somewhere you’ve been politely asked not to stay.
Which, frankly, happens to half the guys in Topeka at 1:45 a.m. outside a bar, an ex-girlfriend’s porch, or a Taco John’s parking lot.
But Mack does appreciate the trajectory here.
We’ve gone from:
- Public Nudity in February
to - Fully Clothed Trespassing in March
That’s growth.
Small steps.
Baby steps.
Pants-on steps.
So if Mr. Botts truly is preparing for America’s Next Top Model, Mack has one piece of advice:
Practice walking the runway…
…but maybe stay off other people’s property while doing it.
Topeka appreciates the improvement.
Let’s keep the clothing trend going.
— Mack Callahan
