It was a bright and breezy day on the Capitol lawn yesterday as thousands of Kansans gathered for the No Kings protest — a sprawling, peaceful rally celebrating, among other things, the novel idea that elected officials work for the people and not the other way around.
But across the sidewalk and moral spectrum stood a different kind of resistance: three men, one wrinkled Trump flag, and a dream. A dream apparently strong enough to get one of them arrested… or at least winded.
Now, let’s talk about the guy who charged — and I use that word generously — the Capitol steps in what can only be described as a patriotic attempt. Sources say he made it three steps up before stopping either from exhaustion, a sudden measles relapse, or a combination of both. We can’t confirm. He was escorted away, in cuffs, and a cloud of wheezing and maybe confusion.
His comrades, meanwhile, were preoccupied with what appeared to be the very un-American task of… checking the meter. Yes, folks. While thousands waved signs, sang songs, and exercised their First Amendment rights like their democracy depended on it, these three brave culture warriors were scraping together quarters for the cause. If that’s not the face of the movement, I don’t know what is.
Across Facebook, however, tensions were hotter than a MAGA hat in July. One woman, Barbara [RedactedBecauseOfLawsuitThreatsProbably], claimed the protest was “a paid and organized protest by rich people with agendas” who, and I quote, “hope you get violent and get killed to further their agenda.”
Which… is a bold stance to take from the comfort of your lawn chair while people of all ages, races, and backgrounds gathered peacefully under a banner of democracy and dignity.
To her disappointment — and perhaps her chiropractor’s — the violence never came. Instead, there were speeches, chants, and a lot of sunburn. The biggest danger was dehydration, not a race war. The only real threat to the republic yesterday was someone pulling a hamstring on a stairwell.
In the end, it wasn’t the tanks or the tweets that stole the show — it was a singular message echoing across the lawn: We the People still means something. Even if the guy with the Trump flag didn’t quite make it to the top.
