By Mack Callahan | This Is Topeka (…and yes, I’m back)
TOPEKA, Kan. — Forget cybercrime, cryptocurrency scams, or whatever new AI fraud your cousin swears he almost fell for — Topeka has apparently decided to crank the crime clock all the way back to purse snatching. Yes, really.
According to the booking report, 26-year-old Rakeem Shakur Grant was arrested Friday afternoon on a laundry list of charges including aggravated burglary, assault, simple battery… and, wait for it… “Theft; Purse Snatching; Unknown Value.”
Purse. Snatching.
Who does that? Who wakes up and says, “You know what crime needed a comeback? The ol’ grab-and-go handbag heist.” It’s giving Home Alone 2. It’s giving Scooby-Doo villain energy. It’s giving Time Traveler from 1987.
But the hits don’t stop there — Grant also landed a shoplifting charge under $1,500, because apparently once you’ve committed a felony, you might as well toss in some discount-aisle larceny just to round out the résumé.
Grant was booked at 1:40 p.m. on December 5 and is currently being held without bond. No word yet on which local handbag heist syndicate may be involved — maybe Topeka is secretly Gotham now? We’ll keep you posted.
Until then:
Ladies, hold onto your Coach bags.
Dudes, clutch those man-purses tight.
And if you see someone running with a handbag, just yell “It’s not the ‘90s anymore!” and call TPD.
Because Topeka has enough problems — we really don’t need purse snatching making a comeback tour.
