By Mack Callahan, This Is Topeka Columnist
For weeks now, reports have poured in from bewildered parents, confused teachers, and at least one deeply concerned city council member that kids across Topeka are running around chanting a single number: 67. No one seemed to know what it meant. Was it a TikTok trend? A secret code? A new gang?
After an exhaustive, around-the-clock investigation involving interviews with dozens of middle schoolers, a chemistry professor, and one sleep-deprived intern with access to Google, This Is Topeka can now exclusively confirm the true origin of “67.”
It’s from the Periodic Table of Elements.
Element number 67: Holmium.
Abbreviation: Ho.
That’s right. The kids have been running around shouting “67!” — which, when translated into scientific shorthand, simply means “Ho.” Is this a new version of your momma jokes?
Whether this is a coded insult, an expression of empowerment, or just the natural evolution of internet humor remains unclear. But in the name of investigative journalism, This Is Topeka went to great lengths to find out. We emailed the governor’s office, left a voicemail for the State Board of Education, and even cornered a chemistry teacher in the Dillons parking lot.
We’re currently seeking an official interview with Governor Laura Kelly to discuss whether new legislation may be required to regulate the use of “67” in schools and on social media. We’ve also reached out to Attorney General Kris Kobach to determine whether he intends to sue anyone over it — though if he does, we’re fairly certain he’d lose once required to introduce evidence.
As of press time, the Kansas Legislature has not yet issued a statement, but one insider confirmed that at least three senators have already begun Googling “what does 67 mean.”
For now, Topeka can rest easy knowing that this isn’t a cult, a conspiracy, or a cyber threat. It’s just science — and maybe a little bit of middle school chaos.
This Is Topeka Investigative Unit will continue to monitor the situation and will update readers if 68 turns out to mean something worse.
