By Mack Callahan
Ah, Wednesday — that magical day where the weekend still feels like a mirage but the hangover hasn’t quite worn off from last Saturday. And in Topeka, some folks decided to make hump day a contact sport.
Here’s this week’s roll call of “legends” who just couldn’t let Tuesday night fade quietly into Thursday morning.
Carlos “Multitasker” Silva
Booked at 9:25 p.m. for a second DUI, because one just wasn’t enough. Carlos didn’t stop there — no sir. He also snagged charges for failing to check for safe passage, being a pedestrian under the influence, and violating a protective order. We’re guessing Topeka PD needed a flowchart to keep up with this guy.
William “Two-for-One” Augustyn
Arrested around 7:05 p.m. for being too intoxicated to safely operate a vehicle and — because no party is complete without one — transporting an open container. $500 cash bond. The phrase “work hard, play harder” feels like it was written for Will.
Michael “Triple Threat” McDaniel
If you’re going to make an entrance at noon on a Wednesday, you might as well do it big. McDaniel rolled in with a cocktail of stimulants, drug paraphernalia, and, oh yeah, a DUI. Improper driving on a laned roadway was just the cherry on top of his midday meltdown.
Alexander “Speed Racer” Shaw
At 5:20 a.m., while the rest of Topeka was asleep, Shaw was out there chasing the sunrise with a DUI (second offense), a little weed, some good old-fashioned speeding, and an open container — because who needs coffee when you’ve got Crown Royal and adrenaline?
Closing Thoughts
Topeka, it’s only Wednesday. Let’s pace ourselves. If this keeps up, the Shawnee County lockup might need to start offering frequent flyer miles and a VIP punch card: five DUIs, your sixth booking is free.
