If you’re looking for irony in Topeka, you don’t have to look far — just check the police scanner. On the very same day America tried to remind us about the dangers of fentanyl, Walmart Central decided to host a live-action PSA of its own: a Signal 4 attempt in the bathroom, courtesy of half a bottle of Benadryl.
Because nothing says “community outreach” quite like slamming back pink allergy syrup in the family restroom while posters in the lobby scream “Stay Alive: Know Fentanyl.”
By the time law enforcement showed up, the scene was textbook Topeka. Shoppers frozen mid-aisle, cart wheels locked up, watching EMTs roll through Lawn & Garden like they were filming the next season of To Catch a Pharmacist. Management, of course, was mumbling corporate phrases like “guest safety is our priority,” which is Walmart code for “we hope you finish your shopping before the trauma sets in.”
Meanwhile, somewhere in a City Council meeting, someone is arguing that our “brand problem” is just perception. Maybe it is — but it’s hard to polish perception when our unofficial city slogan is “Topeka: At Least It’s Not Wichita… Yet.”
So here’s your reminder, folks: It’s National Fentanyl Awareness and Prevention Day. Hug your kids, check your medicine cabinet, and maybe — just maybe — skip the Walmart bathroom cocktails.
Stay safe, Topeka. And if you’re reading this while sipping on Benadryl and Sprite — yeah, you — call someone before Mack writes you into next week’s column.
