Mack Callahan Reports from the Bottom of the Booking Barrel
You know it’s a banner day at the Shawnee County lockup when someone strolls in with a rap sheet that looks like it was drafted by a bored screenwriter binge-watching Breaking Bad.
That’s exactly what happened when one Topeka resident—who we’ll simply call Mr. Ambition—landed himself in jail on charges so stacked, they should’ve come with a side of fries.
Among the highlights:
- Distribution of heroin/fentanyl within 1,000 feet of a school.
- Possession of drug paraphernalia with intent to manufacture.
- Aggravated child endangerment for exposing a kid to fentanyl.
- Oh, and for good measure, possession of marijuana—because, hey, why not?
And here’s the kicker: NO BOND on any of it. Apparently, when you check off every felony box in the criminal code—including turning your living room into a pharmacy near an elementary school—judges tend to lose their sense of humor.
Let’s not gloss over that child endangerment charge either. That’s right. Allegedly, this individual had a child within reach of fentanyl compounds—because parenting these days apparently means snack time, screen time, and possible overdose time.
This arrest wasn’t some routine traffic stop gone sideways either. It’s the kind of bust that sends shivers through neighborhoods and makes parents ask, “Wait… which school was it near?”
By the way, this wasn’t the only person booked who racked up multiple charges like they were on a game show speed round—but it’s hard to compete with a drug-dealing, child-endangering, school-zone-felony-committing suspect who seems to have gone for the high score.
For now, Mr. Ambition is sitting in Shawnee County’s finest accommodations, with plenty of time to reflect on life choices—and perhaps think twice about his next career move.
Topeka, stay weird. And maybe double-check your neighbors.
—Mack Callahan
