From minor oopsies to full-blown felony flair, here’s who made the “Do Not Invite to Brunch” list this week:
Jairus “Too Young for Felonies” Lyles (19 going on 45)
Charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and disorderly conduct — the kind that doesn’t just get you kicked out of Applebee’s, but usually comes with sirens.
Bond: $25,000
Apparently, Gen Z is skipping Tide Pods and heading straight to weapons charges.
Mitt “I Do Crimes in Bulk” Payne (48)
This man woke up and chose burglary, narcotics, property damage, paraphernalia, and no bond — all before curfew.
Vibe: Like a Walmart clearance bin of felonies.
Charlette “Granny Don’t Play” Miller (61)
Charged with child endangerment, battery on a cop, interference, and ignoring lawful orders.
Released same night on $200 bonds.
Some grandmas bake cookies. Charlette throws hands and legal violations.
Octaveon “Animal Cruelty is NOT a Personality” McKnight (28)
Allegedly committed domestic battery, fled from cops, hurt an animal, and is a fugitive from Missouri — because Kansas wasn’t enough.
Bond: None. He’s staying put.
Honestly, this one’s just awful. Someone throw the book and a muzzle at him.
Irie “Felony Cleanup Crew” Merritt (22)
Charged with destroying evidence, marijuana, and paraphernalia.
Bond: $15,000
She allegedly tried to hide felony evidence, which is sort of like cleaning up a crime scene with glitter — it just spreads.
Jamie “Loud, Proud, and On Parole” Kiser (41)
Charged with assaulting an officer, offensive language, open container, and violating parole.
Basically, he turned downtown Topeka into a live-action version of Florida Man Bingo.
Carla “Mystery Woman” Boswell (53)
Charged with battery on law enforcement and held for positive ID — because even the cops were like, “Wait, who is this?”
Honorable Mentions:
- Darryl Gilford: Domestic battery. Classic.
- Christopher Griffin & Robert Thomas: Both booked on federal holds. No word yet if it’s aliens or tax evasion.
- Francisco Estrada-Becerra (78 years old!): Got booked for domestic battery. Grandpa said “till death do us part” and meant it literally.
If you’re dating someone in this list… blink twice.
If you’re related to someone on this list… we’re praying for you.
If you’re on this list… maybe sit this weekend out.
