By Mack Callahan, Retired Reporter, Reluctant Babysitter
Back in my day, monsters under the bed were mostly imaginary, summoned by too much sugar and not enough Sesame Street. But in Barton County last week, a kid’s late-night fear turned out to be shockingly valid — proving once again that Kansas doesn’t need folklore when it has exes with court orders and an astonishing commitment to crawling into tight spaces.
According to a sheriff’s report that reads like the beginning of a very bad Lifetime movie, a babysitter was tucking the kids in when one of them pulled out the age-old line: “There’s a monster under the bed.” Instead of rolling her eyes and checking the closet for laughs, the sitter actually looked — and lo and behold, there was indeed a monster. Not a scaly one, though. Just a 27-year-old man named Martin Villalobos Jr., apparently lying in wait like a deeply confused raccoon.
Villalobos, who used to live in the house but is now legally required to stay far, far away from it, was already under a protection from abuse order. Not content with violating that, he decided to upgrade his charges by knocking over a kid while making his hasty escape — because nothing says “stable adult decision-making” like physically bowling over a child while fleeing from your ex’s babysitter.
Deputies found him the next morning after a foot chase, presumably because he was too winded from all that under-bed yoga the night before. He’s now facing a smorgasbord of charges including aggravated kidnapping, burglary, battery, child endangerment, felony obstruction, and violating a protection order — or, as Kansas court dockets call it: “a busy weekend.”
No word yet on whether the babysitter has applied for hazard pay, or if the children have now developed a lifelong distrust of furniture. But if there’s a silver lining, it’s that from now on, when kids say there’s a monster under the bed, Kansas parents might finally take them seriously — and maybe call the sheriff before grabbing a flashlight.
Credit to KCUR for the original reporting. I just added the sarcasm. They had the facts — I brought the bourbon.
