In a bold move that will surely revolutionize the efficiency of Kansas’ state government (or at least provide some quality entertainment), the Committee on Government Efficiency (COGE) has launched an exciting new initiative: the Government Efficiency Portal. Now, in a stroke of bureaucratic genius, regular Kansans are invited to tattle—to, uh, offer suggestions—on how the state can run better.
Think of it as the Kansas Dollar Tree version of Elon Musk’s DOGE—a government-sponsored meme of efficiency where, instead of getting rich off a joke cryptocurrency, you get the satisfaction of knowing your suggestion might one day be mentioned in a legislative committee before being quietly ignored.
Big Brother, but Make It Budget-Friendly
COGE’s innovative new approach is like an old-school neighborhood watch, but instead of reporting crime, you get to report government inefficiency—which, let’s be honest, is basically the same thing in some people’s eyes. And who better to identify wasteful spending and unnecessary red tape than the fine people of Kansas, who now have a direct pipeline to tell the government exactly what it’s doing wrong?
Oh, and you can also report on your fellow Kansans—because why not? Have a neighbor who mows his lawn too efficiently and might be undercutting city maintenance crews? Report it! Know a state employee who takes an extra-long lunch break? Efficiency crisis! Your local DMV operating at normal DMV speed? Unacceptable! COGE wants to hear all about it.
A Portal for the People
According to Senate President Ty Masterson, this is all about getting real Kansans involved in fixing the system. And if there’s one thing we know, it’s that Kansans have plenty of opinions. But don’t worry—this isn’t some dystopian attempt at turning citizens into state informants. No, no! This is a crowdsourced efficiency revolution! Kind of like Yelp, but for complaining about government operations instead of bad restaurant service.
The Future of Kansas Government: Built on Your Anonymous Complaints
COGE Chair Senator Renee Erickson insists this effort will ensure the government is working for the people, not against them. Because nothing screams for the people like an anonymous tip line. And let’s be honest: there’s no better way to ensure efficiency than by drowning lawmakers in a flood of suggestions ranging from “Make everything free” to “Outlaw Mondays.”
So, dear Kansans, do your civic duty. Log onto the Government Efficiency Portal today and submit your most cutting-edge ideas for streamlining government. Just remember: while DOGE might take you to the moon, COGE will take your complaints straight to a legislative subcommittee where they will be thoroughly discussed—and then promptly forgotten.
But hey, at least you tried.
