Dear Mama J,
I have an older Sister that thinks her solution of problems is her way or the high way. Anytime I put my input in it’s like I’m being a b**** or I don’t know what I’m talking about. And it’s her way and she’s always right.
So I end up leaving not saying what I want to say because she will not talk to me . So my opinion really never matters. And I’m tired of being put in that position what shall I do?
Also I have a big sister and a little sister and we came from a huge family and I’m just one in the middle so there’s only three of us left the older sister and the younger sister are bickering about something so they don’t talk and they want me to tell this one this thing and this one that thing and I won’t do it.
I keep telling them life is short too and they need to get this resolved and there’s nothing I could do to get this through their heads. Thank you Mama J
Dear Confused,
Oh those sister conflicts! I totally understand. I have two sisters. It’s like these potholes that are showing up in town. You are driving down the smooth street, then you hit a big pothole. You get jerked around. WTF! Anger, disorientation, blaming whoever. Eventually that pothole is filled up and you can drive down the street again in peace.
We want to love our family members, but sometimes we get jerked around. I had been very mad at one of my sisters for many years. Similar to your issue. I have input, it was ignored. I feel I was knowledgeable on the issue she was telling me about. I asked her one day why she didn’t listen to me. She said “I listen to you, I just don’t take your advice. “ Alrighty then.
After many years of this I have now come to this conclusion. She is not going to change. I have realized that being the older sister has duties from a young age. She has been a caregiver her whole life. She will help someone no matter what the issue. For years I had my own take on this. Now, I am giving her grace. It’s who she is. I cannot continue to be irritated with her. I love her. Is it possible for you to step back with the knowledge that she isn’t going to change.
It takes a bit to unravel from these relationships but believe me you will feel so much better. I don’t know your age but as we grow older it becomes hard on our health and emotions. I’m no longer letting my sister’s issues get me stirred up. I can listen but I don’t have to comment. This took me a bit to really feel okay.
Regarding the 2 sisters being in a conflict and them wanting to involve you. Please tell them to leave you out of it!. I don’t know how easy it is for you to say how you feel to them. Hopefully you can. Remember we are adults and not little kids anymore. Boundaries. Boundaries. I want you to feel peace in your heart. Breathe Breathe You are a strong woman. I know it can be scary having confrontations. Kindness is the key word, just like filling those potholes back up. We can fill these relationships back up with love, understanding and kindness. We also need to own our part in these situations. What do you feel you need to do? Be strong and be confident.
I know these situations can be scary. They also can be very healing. I hope you will be able to be close to your sisters again. Let’s hope some of these potholes get filled. Literally and figuratively.
Good Luck.
Please let me know if you have success!
Mama J
