I’ll be honest with you, folks—I wasn’t gonna write one this week.
After pulling an emotional all-nighter trying to figure out whether Sunny Dee would make it to her fifth booking before the weekend, I promised myself a break. A little rest, a little whiskey, maybe finally respond to the HOA letter about my “rustic” Christmas display still up in May.
But then, like a beacon in the fog, the Shawnee County booking report hit my inbox—and there she was, the Michelangelo of misdemeanor chaos.
What’d she do? Glad you asked.
On May 12, 2025, they were arrested for a trifecta of charges that read like a Mad Libs sheet filled out at a dive bar:
- Transmitting false information to request emergency services (aka fake-calling 911—possibly to report her own vibe).
- Public nudity (standard).
- Criminal littering (because why not cap off a naked 911 prank call with a little garbage?)
This is performance art. This is interpretive lawbreaking.
Now I don’t know what prompted Ms. Montoya’s full-body rebellion against clothing and public order. Maybe it was a full moon. Maybe she lost a bet. Maybe she was just trying to outshine Sunny Dee on the leaderboard. But whatever it was, it earned her $3,000 in bonds, a police report full of headshakes, and a permanent spot in the hearts of booking report readers everywhere.
If nothing else, I admire the commitment. Some folks get arrested for drugs. Some for assault: Why not do something truly original?
So here’s to you, the patron saint of public spectacle, emergency services, and littering in the most dramatic fashion possible. I hope your court date is warmer than your arrest.
And to the rest of you? Stay clothed, stay calm, and for the love of Shawnee County, don’t fake a 911 call while flinging trash in the nude.
See you next week—unless Sunny Dee gets booked again first.
— Mack
