By Mack Callahan, Asking for a Friend
I’ve seen a lot in my day: eight-track tapes, polyester suits, Reaganomics. I once watched a man try to deep-fry a Twinkie using a Bic lighter and desperation. But even I—seasoned veteran of Topeka’s stranger side—wasn’t prepared for the moment I read this booking report and had to double-check the year. Not 1972. Not a Hunter S. Thompson fever dream. No, friends, it’s 2025, and someone is still out here whipping it out in public like we don’t have Wi-Fi and OnlyFans.
Enter one Nila Kay Kowalewski, born in that fine year of 1972, arrested on May 4th at 5:20 PM—a time normally reserved for dinner or mild road rage. Instead, she was booked on a warrant for lewd and lascivious behavior: exposing sex organs to another person over the age of 16.
Now, I’m no prude. I once streaked through Washburn’s campus during finals week in ’81. But even that had context—namely, tequila and a dare. This, however, was not spring break in Daytona. This was Topeka on a Saturday.
The bond? $500. That’s right—less than a PlayStation 5 to show the world what God gave you and what God perhaps should’ve taken back. The charge: “lewd and lascivious.” A phrase so old-fashioned it sounds like it was typed by a British judge sipping gin. And to make it all more vivid, our tax-funded booking report includes a mugshot that screams, “Yes, I did it—and I might do it again.”
No mention of motive. No mention of audience reaction. But one thing’s clear: here in the capital of Kansas, there’s always something to behold—and sometimes, it’s more than you asked for.
To the citizens of Topeka: stay alert. To the over-16 crowd: shield your eyes. And to Nila Kay—maybe next time, try a trench coat and some discretion. Or, better yet, just don’t.
Mack Callahan
Retired reporter. Still typing. Still tired.
Asking for a Friend appears weekly, unless I fall asleep watching Matlock.
