By Mack Callahan
Look, I’m old. Not old enough to be yelling at the self-checkout machine, but old enough to remember when breaking news came from newspapers, not TikTok accounts run by people who should probably rethink their career choices.
And yet, here I am, waking up to a dozen messages, links, and unsolicited commentary about Casey Anthony’s new gig as a—wait for it—legal advocate. Because, apparently, we now live in a world where the best career move after a nationally infamous trial is to start giving out legal advice.
No, really, America, I appreciate the thought, but I think I’ll pass.
I’ve followed politics, crime, and legal oddities for years, and I have to say, this one is right up there with the strangest. Let’s be clear: Casey Anthony has no law degree. No bar license. Not even one of those fancy certificates from an online course that costs $99 and promises you a new career in six weeks. But what she does have is a TikTok account and an unwavering commitment to reinvention.
She calls herself a “legal advocate and researcher.” Researcher of what, exactly? The last time she was in court, she was defending herself, not taking the bar exam. And now, she’s here to help you with your legal troubles? Fascinating. Maybe next we’ll see O.J. Simpson hosting a true crime podcast or Bernie Madoff giving investment advice from the great beyond.
But hey, people reinvent themselves all the time, right? If Casey Anthony wants to take up legal advocacy, who am I to stop her? The internet is a strange and unpredictable place. All I ask is this: let’s not make it stranger by filling my inbox with updates on her latest ventures.
I don’t need the latest trends. I don’t need updates on what internet personalities are doing. And I sure don’t need to know what Casey Anthony is up to these days. I already lived through that news cycle once.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to read the newspaper. And by newspaper, I mean an actual newspaper. Made of paper. Where news comes from. You should try it sometime.
