Dear Mama J,
Eight years ago, my best friend and I “broke up”. We had been close friends for most of our lives and it was so very painful when our relationship fell apart. There wasn’t a single thing, of course, that led to that, but alcohol played an important role, both as a symptom and as a cause of the issues between us. I eventually was able to acknowledge my role in the dysfunctional part of our relationship, so I reached out to her and apologized for my actions. In the years since then, I’ve reached out several times, always with no response. Recently, I attended a funeral she also attended and she pointedly moved away when she saw me. I THINK I have done everything I can do to repair the relationship. While I no longer feel anger about it, I do still feel sad and disappointed. What do you do when you have to deal with such feelings?
SAD BUT OKAY
Dear Sad But Okay,
I am sorry that your attempts to heal the relationship didn’t work. It sounds like it was a painful breakup. Alcohol and fights can be very damaging.
Being a recovering alcoholic I remember too clearly my alcoholic fights over the years. They were very mean and painful. In AA one of the steps is to apologize to others we hurt before we sobered up. We were told to do it with an open heart and no expectations. Some may accept the apology and some will not. Knowing that you did try and to admit your part in the break up is all you can do. It is time to move on. Apology is not accepted. That doesn’t mean she is wrong. She is still angry and hurt and it was too big of a fight. It was unforgivable to her.
Be easy on yourself. It is one of those happenings in our lives that is in the past. It’s a new day, new friends, and more life to live.
Love Mama J
