Hey Mama J,
I am 72. I have a 65 year old younger brother who has schizo-affective disorder. He is presently stable on treatment given via intramuscular injections every 3 months. With his major mental illness under “control”, his other personality traits run rampant. He sees himself as a victim of circumstances. He dropped out of school in 10th grade and became a drug addict. His drug addiction has gone from heroin and cocaine to alcohol and marijuana. His daily existence is in a perpetual haze. Our mother had been his caregiver up until her death. Now I have the caregiver torch and it hasn’t been easy. I have suggested to my brother that he get a job or just volunteer. He has housing, thanks to me. He has an EBT card, so food is not a problem. He gets a monthly SSI stipend. Yet despite all this, he continues to “ get in trouble”, as though rules/laws don’t apply to him. He is in his 3rd place in 6 years because he’s been evicted for not following the rules. I am being worn down by his noncompliance.
What is a sister to do?
Dear Sister,
How sad and frustrating at the same time. He has a handle on the mental illness with the help of medication but adds to the difficulties with other addictions is “crazy”!
I would be interested to know if you are the one someone calls when he gets in trouble. That would make having boundaries difficult. My son had addiction problems several years ago. It was so difficult. Tough Love, tough love-some successes then back to tough love. My heart would be so heavy that some days I couldn’t get out of bed. After some major therapy I learned that I was losing sleep but he wasn’t. I had to let go. Was I always able to? No. My husband was a great support which helped me be strong in my boundaries.
I looked up some ideas that may help you through the tough times.
- Support Groups-Check to see if there is a group in your area. I’m pro support groups when they are needed.
- Would it be possible to have a social worker or case manager connection to assist during the times he is causing trouble. That would be great to another person around so you wouldn’t feel everything was on your shoulders.
- Patience is very hard at times when we are at the “end of our rope” with bad behavior. Personally I do pray for strength and patience. I am an alcoholic so I do understand some of the problems of addiction. I also know that it’s up to your brother to really want to recover and be a better person. I hope he will find his way.
- Remember to take care of yourself, especially during those times when you are dealing with him when he is in trouble. You are a great sister!
- Mama J.
