Dear Mama J,
I’m a retired woman who has recently taken up a new hobby, playing Mahjong. As I expand my universe and begin playing in groups other than my close friends, I find myself reliving some junior high school times! Cliques are alive and well. What is the best way you have found to handle the rejection one feels when we get excluded from those cliques? Retired, just trying to have fun!
Dear Just Wanna Have Fun,
Cliques have caused me so much pain in my life. No one deserves to ever be treated like they are” less than” by a group/clique.
A clique leaves people out on purpose. A clique truly wants to make the person who wants to be with them feel terrible. That is their goal. (I am thinking, was I ever in a group like that? Maybe. I don’t think so) What I now know is that it is pure bull-shit and there is no reason to ever give that clique any of your energy. I play Bridge. We have a day where several groups play. I couldn’t believe it when I sat down at a table and was told to leave because that place was for someone else. Supposedly this was a day where you could play with anyone. My answer to that was to tell the organizer that I will no longer be involved with this group, give me my money back and I won’t tolerate that behavior. Now could I do that in my teens, twenties, etc. NO. In my 70’s I can do it.
Wouldn’t it have been great when we were growing up that we could be that strong?
I read a few articles on how to deal with cliques. We all want to belong. These were the suggestions which are so true. #1 KNOW THYSELF #2 LOVE THYSELF #3 RESPECT THYSELF #4 DIVERSIFY YOUR FRIEND GROUPS #5 ALWAYS PICK YOUR FRIENDS CAREFULLY #5 SET HIGH STANDARDS FOR YOUR YOURSELF AND YOUR FRIENDS. There are great people everywhere. They may not be at that table that seems so popular, but they may be at that table who is sitting by themself waiting for someone to sit with them. We can be that person.
Hey, let’s go have some fun with some new friends!!
Love Mama J
