Dear Mama J
At almost 70 years of age I’m still the “baby” of the family. My 2 oldest sisters are deceased and my remaining sister is 9 years older.
We don’t see each other often as she’s in a different state, but we visit over the phone several times a week. Even though she used to be a manager at Boeing, I feel she is too passive in some situations…with her doctor, her son, etc. When I try to make suggestions which yes, are unsolicited so my bad, she says “yes, Mother.” That’s my cue to drop the subject.
Because I’m younger I feel she discredits me. And yes, I’m a nag….though I like to think of it as “follow through”….ha! I worry about her as she’s had health issues and is fairly isolated while caring for her husband. I just want to encourage her to ask questions of her doctor, tell her son what she needs as far as help, etc.
She complains to me about things going on in her life. How can I show my concern without being perceived as a nag or her “mother”?
I’ve read that “suggestions are critism, always”.
Waddya think?
Thanks!
Dear Baby of the Family,
I hear ya, girl. I am also the baby, with sisters who are nine and ten years older.
I don’t know about you, but I can have a tone of voice that irritates people instantly. I’ve worked on how I say things so I don’t upset someone right off the bat. See if this suggestion might work for you two—when I go to the doctor, I write down my problem in detail, including how it affects my life (for example, I can’t sleep, I’m missing work, etc.). When I’m called into the exam room, I give that note to the nurse. The doctor will already have the information, so no time is wasted asking a bunch of questions where I might give vague answers. Giving it to the nurse is less intimidating than handing it directly to the doctor.
I am also treated like I know less than my older sisters simply because I’m younger. Believe me, I’ve lived more life than the two of them put together! I don’t have a real answer for that because it won’t change, so I try to just let it go.
When she talks to you about what’s going on in her life, just listen. I’ve found that, generally, advice isn’t wanted—they just want to share what’s happening. I’ll say, “I’m sorry that’s happening,” but I don’t give advice. I always end with, “I’m here for you, and I love you bunches.”
I hope this helps.
Love, Mama J
