If a State Rep Lunges at Me, Can I Hit Back?
Dear Asking for a Friend,
Let’s say—purely hypothetically—a friend of mine, who we’ll call Ford, was just trying to do his job on the House floor, debating something completely normal like, I don’t know, gun legislation or the appropriate number of times a grown adult should lunge at a colleague before HR steps in.
Now, let’s also say that another friend, who we’ll call Nick, decided to escalate the debate from policy to pugilism, and had to be physically restrained to prevent what could have been the first recorded Kansas House SmackDown.
And just for fun—purely a thought exercise here—let’s also say that my friend Ford may have been involved in another altercation earlier this month, this time at a Topeka bar, where things also got… let’s call it “overly bipartisan.”
So, my question: If my friend finds himself repeatedly in these situations, does this mean he’s officially a combat legislator? Is there some kind of title belt for this? Asking for a friend.
—F.
Dear F.,
Listen, at this point, if you get in one more physical altercation this month, they might have to rename the Kansas House to the Kansas Fight Club. And we all know the first rule of Fight Club is to at least wait until after roll call.
Now, to your question: Can you hit back? While Kansas law does allow for self-defense, legislative self-defense is a bit trickier. Technically, the House prefers that disagreements be settled with words rather than right hooks, but given your recent extracurricular activities at that Topeka bar, let’s just say the line is getting a little blurry.
We get it—politics is frustrating, and sometimes the urge to turn debate into a live reenactment of a Western saloon brawl is strong. But at this rate, you’re one incident away from showing up to the House in a mouthguard and boxing gloves.
Our advice? Maybe take a week off from conflict—verbal or otherwise. If someone lunges at you again, just stand still, let security handle it, and enjoy the fact that your presence alone now terrifies half the chamber. Also, consider leading a new bipartisan effort to install padded walls in the House just in case.
—Asking for a Friend
