The wind bites harder than a White Walker’s icy touch, slipping under doors and rattling windows as if to remind us: winter is here. Topekans, the storm is upon us, and it does not come lightly. This weekend, our city faces its greatest trial yet—an unrelenting blizzard bringing up to 11 inches of snow, a treacherous quarter-inch of ice on the roads, and temperatures cold enough to freeze even the sturdiest Midwesterner’s willpower.
Gone are the days of preparation. If you didn’t stockpile bread and milk and overpriced eggs or reinforce your castle walls, well, you’ve made your choices. The blast of arctic air has arrived, creeping through every crack like the Night King’s army through a crumbling wall.
Yet, amidst the darkness, one steadfast sentinel remains: the Walmart pole. Towering under the night sky, it stands firm—for now—a solitary beacon of resilience in the face of winter’s wrath. But even it must wonder how long it can endure the icy onslaught.
The Night Is Dark and Full of Icy Perils
This storm promises to turn our roads into an icy gauntlet, slicker than a scheming Lannister. Black ice, the silent assassin of winter, will lurk in the shadows, waiting to claim the overconfident. The snowdrifts will rise like the walls of Winterfell, and only the brave—or the foolish—will venture into the frozen abyss.
But fear not, for the true Topekan does not cower before a storm. No, we wield snow shovels like Valyrian steel and face the frost with humor and grit. Here’s how to ensure you survive this trial:
- Fortify Your Keep: Seal those drafty doors and crank up the hearth. Let no cold enter your domain.
- Prepare for Siege: The grocery shelves are empty, but if you missed your chance, pray your pantry holds enough ramen and canned beans to see you through.
- Avoid the Ice Fields: Stay off the roads unless your chariot is equipped with chains and the blessings of the Old Gods and the New.
- Protect the Pipes: Let your faucets drip, for a frozen pipe is a foe you do not wish to battle.
- Rally the Bannermen: Check on neighbors, gather your allies, and ensure no one faces the storm alone.
A Song of Ice and Topeka
Winter has arrived with fury, but we are no strangers to harsh seasons. Together, we’ll shovel, slip, and laugh our way through this storm, for Topeka is resilient. And as we brace ourselves, we salute the Walmart pole—a noble figure in this frozen saga, standing straight and true against the icy tempest.
So bundle up, brave souls of Topeka. Keep your humor sharp and your cocoa hot. The storm may rage, but winter will not break us.
