Ah, Topeka in the winter—where the snowflakes are as unpredictable as the drivers. Every snowstorm seems to wipe the collective memory of how to operate a vehicle. But fear not! We’ve compiled the ultimate tongue-in-cheek guide to navigating (or not) Topeka streets when the white stuff starts falling.
1. Forget Turn Signals Exist
Who needs turn signals when you’ve got vibes? If you suddenly decide to swerve into the left lane on Wanamaker, trust the snow-covered roads to communicate your intentions. Bonus points if your maneuver takes out one of those “Season’s Greetings” banners along the way.
2. Treat Roundabouts Like Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Stories
Roundabouts on a snowy day are just puzzles waiting to be solved. Why yield when you can just… wing it? Pro tip: The inner lane is great for doing slow-motion donuts, and the outer lane? That’s just a suggestion. If you accidentally end up back where you started, congratulations—you’ve mastered Topeka’s infinite-loop traffic system!
3. Redefine ‘Stopping Distance’
If you’re sliding halfway into the intersection at 10th and Topeka Boulevard, that’s not a mistake—it’s called performance art. After all, who needs brakes when you’ve got adrenaline and a heartfelt belief that the car in front of you will stop before you do?
4. Snow Routes Are Just Friendly Suggestions
Sure, the city has snow routes, but where’s the adventure in taking the cleared road? Challenge yourself by blazing a trail through the unplowed backroads of Central Park—or better yet, that one hill by Shunga Creek. Nothing says “winter wonderland” like getting stuck halfway up.
5. Tailgate… for Warmth
In a snowstorm, the closer you are to the car in front of you, the more you’re sharing body heat. It’s not bad driving—it’s teamwork! And if they stop suddenly? Well, you’ll finally have someone to chat with while waiting for the tow truck.
6. Park Like You’re Designing a Modern Art Exhibit
Winter weather is no excuse to park within the lines. Go ahead, park at a diagonal—or perpendicular. Heck, why even park in a spot when you can leave your car smack in the middle of the Dillon’s lot? Your creativity will be appreciated by exactly no one, but at least you’ll stand out.
7. Blame the City (and Mother Nature)
When all else fails, remember: nothing is your fault. Slipped on the ice because you forgot to salt your driveway? City’s fault. Snowed in because you live on a side street? Definitely the city’s fault. Mother Nature dumping snow during rush hour? Also the city’s fault—clearly, someone didn’t file the proper paperwork.
Topeka drivers, let’s face it: winter storms are our time to shine (or, more accurately, skid). Whether you’re fishtailing on 21st or getting stuck in a snowbank in Potwin, just remember—we’re all in this together. Sort of. Stay safe, have fun, and for the love of all that is holy, don’t forget your ice scraper.
