It happens to the best of us. You’re on stage, the crowd is roaring, the lights are blinding, and in a surge of sheer excitement, you suddenly forget how to act like a normal human being. Before you know it, you’ve done something that lands you in the global spotlight for all the wrong reasons. But worry not! We’re here to guide you through the dos and don’ts of expressing enthusiasm without accidentally reenacting an historical evil, because of course we don’t want to end up spending time with the Dixie Chicks in purgatory.
1. The Double Fist Pump
Nothing says “I’m thrilled to be here” like the universally accepted double fist pump. Bonus points if you combine it with a jubilant “Woo-hoo!” Just be sure to aim your fists skyward—nobody wants to confuse your enthusiasm for something sinister.
2. The Jump-and-Clap Combo
A solid move that screams “I’m excited and coordinated!” Works best if you can land the clap on beat with the audience’s applause. Avoid jazz hands, though, unless you’re performing in a musical theater production.
3. The Awkward Happy Dance
Feeling the moment? Let loose with a quick, goofy dance. The more awkward, the better—it’s endearing, not alarming. Think more Carlton from The Fresh Prince and less militaristic marching. Just be sure to make the dance last less than 40 min, but even then I would rather be a goofball than a military aged German male in 1940.
4. The Heart Hands Gesture
Want to show love without sparking controversy? Form a heart with your hands! It’s easy, cute, and a surefire way to melt hearts instead of inciting outrage. Careful, the title does not mean “put your hand on your heart and toss it to the crowd,” it means “make a heart with your fingers and form a heart.” Very important distinction here.
5. The Finger Guns
Perfect for when you’re feeling playful. Be careful, though—this move has a limited coolness range. Stick to two quick pew-pews and holster those bad boys before anyone questions your intentions. Make sure your finger aim is not at a political opponent, just ask Sarah Palin.
6. The “Touchdown!” Victory Pose
Arms straight up in the air like you just scored the winning goal. Simple, effective, and utterly free of problematic historical connotations.
7. Just Shout Words of Joy
If all else fails, use your words. Yell something like “This is amazing!” or “I love you, random citizens!” Sure, it’s cheesy, but it’s a whole lot better than reenacting moments that belong in a History Channel documentary.
What NOT to Do:
- Avoid any rigid arm movements, especially ones that could be misinterpreted as historically significant gestures. History buffs are always watching, and they don’t miss a thing.
- Don’t rely on facial expressions alone. A manic grin paired with silence? Creepy. Speak up.
- Absolutely no mimicry of anything you’ve seen in 20th-century propaganda footage. That’s a big no-no.
With this handy guide, you’re now equipped to handle even the most adrenaline-filled moments without accidentally trending on Twitter for all the wrong reasons. Remember, your legacy doesn’t have to come with an awkward footnote in a history book!
