In an inspiring display of culinary confusion, Midwesterners continue to insist that meals cooked in a Crockpot are the pinnacle of home-cooked comfort food. But the line between comfort and chaos becomes particularly blurry when chili and cinnamon rolls are thrown into the mix—a pairing that Midwesterners inexplicably defend with the ferocity usually reserved for sports teams and ethanol subsidies.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” says Linda Swanson of Topeka, ladling chili from her Crockpot into a bowl before grabbing a soft cinnamon roll from the tray next to it. “It’s sweet, it’s savory—it’s everything you could want in a meal.” Linda’s family nods solemnly, as if chili-flavored frosting is the most natural thing in the world.
Not everyone, however, is a believer. “I’m from Topeka, and I think cinnamon rolls in chili is the devil’s work,” proclaims Tevyn Harmon, who’s been quietly harboring resentment for the combination since a childhood potluck incident he refuses to fully recount. “I love chili. I love cinnamon rolls. But together? That’s like putting pineapple on pizza. Why are we pretending this is okay?”
Midwestern potluck-goers have been silently suffering through this unholy marriage of flavors for decades. While no one remembers the precise moment this culinary glitch in the matrix became tradition, its defenders are unwavering. “It’s just what we do,” explains Doug Kravitz of Emporia. “You’ve got your spicy, hearty chili, and then—bam!—cinnamon roll to wash it down. It’s called balance.”
Despite the growing rebellion, Midwesterners seem largely unconcerned. As Linda Swanson sums up, “We’re not here to impress. We’re here to eat.” And eat they will, cinnamon rolls proudly in tow.
